


A heart for every fate

by Lakritzwolf



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Season/Series 03 Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 13:16:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17581565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakritzwolf/pseuds/Lakritzwolf
Summary: When Magnus from the alternate reality comes to ask Magnus for advice on how to get the magic back into his life, he discovers that he can help that world's Magnus Bane much more than the other way round. After all, he has learned to live without magic a long time ago.





	A heart for every fate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lynne_monstr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lynne_monstr/gifts).



> Here's a sigh to those who love me,  
> And a smile to those who hate;  
> And, whatever sky's above me,  
> Here's a heart for every fate.  
> ~George Gordon, Lord Byron, "To Thomas Moore"

_“You have given me back my life.”_

He had meant it when he had said it. But Magnus found himself thinking about it more and more these days, especially every time he accompanied a happy, satisfied client to his door. 

He had been living off Tarot readings and hand readings and selling herbal remedies for so long that now, having his magic back, he didn’t really know what to do with it. True, he had redecorated a little, had happily let the dishwasher and the washing machine gather dust, but in the end, was that more of a life? Not having to do the dishes anymore?

If anything, not doing these mundane little tasks gave him more time to dwell and ponder, because truth to be told, he hadn’t missed his magic nearly as much as he had thought he would. He had believed that having it back would turn him into a new man, make him realise all the things that had gone wrong in his life... only to discover that there wasn’t actually that much that was wrong. The only real issue he had was that he had been a little lonely, but that wasn’t something a snap of his fingers could fix.

For more than a century, he had been building himself a life without magic, had been content with himself and his friends and his jobs. He was helping people, maybe in a slightly extravagant and unorthodox way, but nobody complained. 

Magnus slowly lowered the blinds and switched on the lamps before he even thought about the fact he could have done it with the snap of his fingers.

And he briefly wondered what his counterpart, in the other dimension, would have to say to this. A thought which made him wonder if his other self would have any advice for him, on how to get the magic in his life up and running again. 

Too bad he couldn’t ask him. 

Or could he?

* * *

Even without magic, Magnus had still kept all his books and spell books, and after some extensive research – and a trip into the institute’s basement to scrape a little plaster of a certain spot in a certain wall – he began to lay down the beginnings of a plan. A journey, if you will. A journey across the dimensions, like the one Clary had been through, to find his other self and ask about the magic. 

But there were always so many other things to do. His cats, his house, his herb garden, his few choice friends, and, of course, a certain someone who took up most of his free time these days. 

Alec Lightwood had not let Magnus leave the party back then without getting his phone number, a fact that was one of the few things in Magnus’ long life that he would never regret. One date had led to another; several dinners had lasted well into evenings followed by quiet walks seeing one of them – mostly Magnus – safely home. Gentle, tentative kisses in the moonlight on Magnus’ little balcony. Sleepy, lazy mornings with coffee in bed. 

And all that without a scrap of magic. Because, of course, Magnus couldn’t even think about using magic when Alec was around. And he didn’t really need to. The soft look of longing in Alec’s eyes when Magnus sank down onto the mattress and into his arms was all the magic Magnus needed, and would ever need. 

It had been weeks, and he could already feel it slip a little. So maybe it was time he went and tried to speak with his other self, to see if he had any advice on how to incorporate magic into his really rather mundane life. 

A conference in London provided Magnus with the opportunity to go through with his plan. Alec would be gone for a week, and no one would notice Magnus’ absence in that time. So he planned and planned and read and read, but even with his magic up and running again, opening the portal left him sweating and gasping for breath. 

Then he rolled his shoulders, and with a twitch of his head, he stepped into the other world.

New York looked exactly the same. He had cast the portal hidden between the trees in Prospect Park, and on his way back towards the streets of Brooklyn he discovered that nothing was different here, so far. 

Since his only clue to this world was Clary, and he knew that she was a Shadowhunter and worked in the New York Institute, a Shadowhunter Institute in this world, this was where he went. Nervously kneading his hands he approached the building, and wondered again if this was really a good idea. He couldn’t just march in there asking for Clary, could he? Magnus was known to the Shadowhunters in his world, after all, and he didn’t want to compromise his other self. 

Then he slapped his forehead with a sigh and shook his head. 

“You are an idiot, Bane,” he muttered under his breath and produced a notebook and a pen from the inner pocket of his jacket. It took him a moment to recall how firemessages worked, exactly, but when it vanished, he nodded to himself and found a bench to sit down and wait. The answer arrived only minutes later, and shortly after that, he heard someone call his name. 

Yes, this Clary was definitely a Shadowhunter, black clothes, runes, and everything. 

“Magnus?” She looked him over and tilted her head. “What are you doing here? And... and how did you get here?”  
“I managed to re-create a portal,” Magnus replied. “And I-”  
“See, I knew it!” Clary beamed at him and patted his arm. “I knew you were a real powerful warlock.”  
“Well, here’s the thing,” Magnus began hesitantly. “I may have magic but... I’ve been going without it so long I don’t really know... I thought that if I ask the Magnus here, he could give me a few pointers.”

The smile vanished from Clary’s face, and Magnus felt a quick surge of panic. Was his other self dead? “Did... did something happen to him? Can I help?”  
“I don’t know if you can,” Clary said very hesitantly. “I... um... hang on.”

She took her phone and sent a quick text, and turned around to look at the door to the Institute. A few moments later, the door opened again. 

Magnus had to actually tug at the collar of his shirt. 

Alec as a Shadowhunter was not something his brain had been prepared to see, and certainly had some troubles to process. Black leather and combat boots was so horribly not Alec, and at the same time disturbingly hot, that for a moment, Magnus had no idea where to look. 

“Magnus?” Alec stared at him with parted lips. “What’s wrong?” Then he frowned. “And why are you wearing...” A helpless wave in Magnus’ general direction. “...this?”  
Magnus opened his mouth to reply but Clary forestalled him. “Alec, this isn’t your Magnus.”

There, that frown, those eyebrows, that was something Magnus was familiar with. He smiled, but when Alec directed that dark, almost angry frown at him, the smile died on his face. 

Clary explained, and Alec crossed his arms as he listened, and then looked at Magnus again. 

“So you came here to ask my Magnus for tips on how to live with magic again?” Alec sighed. “Really?”  
Magnus groped for words. It was difficult to think when Alec’s eyes were on him, looking at him so angrily. Almost furious. “Well... I didn’t... I didn’t know who else to ask.”  
Alec shook his head. “You’re too late for that,” he said heavily. “In fact, I think you might be able to give him some tips how to live without magic, because he lost his. Completely.”  
“Oh.” The look in Alec’s eyes told him more than clearly that it hadn’t been Magnus’ choice.

The two looked at each other for a moment, before Magnus swallowed drily and shrugged. “I’d be happy to help, if I can.”

Alec mustered him for another moment and nodded. “Clary, can you talk to Izzy?”  
“Will do,” Clary said, gave Magnus an encouraging smile, and headed back towards the Institute. 

“Come on,” Alec said to Magnus with a jerk of his head.  
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Magnus asked as he stepped beside him.  
“I don’t know,” Alec replied without looking at him. “But I ran out of options a long time ago.”

Magnus didn’t know what to reply, so he followed Alec in silence, trying to imagine how it would feel to not just let your magic slip away but to be robbed from it. It certainly would have devastated him, a few centuries ago.

Alec kept his broody silence until they had reached what had to be the door to the other Magnus’ apartment, then he looked at Magnus again and licked his lips. 

“Just... wait here for a second.”

Magnus nodded, and Alec entered, softly closing the door behind him, but not completely. Magnus stepped a little closer to the narrow gap.

“Magnus?” He heard Alec’s voice. “Magnus, we have a visitor.”

There was a long silence. 

“Magnus, come on. I think this...” A pause. “No, I think this is important.”

Magnus stepped back from the door when he could hear Alec walk back, and he tried to smile as he stepped inside. Alec closed the door behind him, and Magnus looked around, more than a little nervous. 

Yes, this Magnus definitely had another life and another lifestyle. And then his eyes fell onto the other person in the room. 

It was a horribly wrong sensation, to look at himself from the outside. Or some version of Magnus Bane, he reminded himself. Because the Magnus in this world was – or rather, had been – a powerful warlock. And now...

The other Magnus stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. 

“Who are you?” He asked.  
“I’m you,” Magnus replied, trying to smile. “From another dimension.”

The two Magnus Banes looked at each other. 

“And what do you want?” The Magnus who belonged into this world asked, his voice heavy and tired.  
“I...” Magnus began, and pressed his lips together. He cast Alec a nervous glance, but Alec had only eyes for his Magnus. His dark brown eyes rested on Magnus’ face with a look of deep sadness and sorrow. And Magnus’ eyes, they were dull and tired and devoid of life.

He was looking at a broken man. 

“I came to ask for advice,” Magnus began softly. “But I was informed that-”  
“That I can’t help you,” the other Magnus said sharply. “Not you, and not anyone else either. I guess you better find yourself a Magnus Bane who can actually be of use.”

Magnus looked at Alec again, and Alec met his eyes only for a moment before looking at his own Magnus again. 

Magnus stepped a little closer now, and began to realise that the purpose of his journey might be another one than he had initially believed. 

“Look,” he said. “I came here to ask about magic, true. Because my magic has gone dormant a long time ago, and I have lived without it for almost two centuries now. And when Clary from your world came to mine, she managed to wake it up again but...” He reached out and took one of Magnus’ hands in his. “Magnus Bane, there is a life without magic. I know that your magic isn’t gone by your choice, but there are still things you can do.”  
“Like what? Doing the dishes?” The other Magnus asked bitterly, pulling his hand back.  
“Maybe.” Magnus took a deep breath. “I learned to take pleasure in small mundane tasks. Making tea. Weeding my little herb garden. Grooming my cats. Re-arranging bookshelves. And there are other things that you can do without magic. If you want to help other people.”

The other Magnus crossed his arms, but he didn’t interrupt him.

“People are crazy about Tarot and hand readings,” Magnus said, a small smile on his face. “You can still make potions and herbal remedies, offer advice just based on your sheer life experience. You are...” He sighed, groping for words. “You are not useless. Yes, you lost a huge part of yourself, and not by choice. But that doesn’t mean you’re a useless burden to everyone else. You just have to... re-think how to approach life, and the things you need to do.”

Now Alec stepped beside his Magnus, and slowly, draped one arm around Magnus’ shoulders.

Magnus watched the two, so unlike himself and his own Alec, but undoubtedly as much in love, and he felt a small lump in his throat. He could see the lines on this world’s Magnus’ face, and couldn’t even imagine the suffering he was being put through. 

But before he could say anything else, the other Magnus opened his eyes again. 

“Thank you,” he said in a low, dull voice. “Thank you, I... it’s just...”  
“Not easy,” Magnus finished for him. “Of course not. But it’s possible.”  
The other Magnus looked at his feet again, and then up at Magnus. “I am dying,” he whispered, his voice broken and trembling.

Alec closed his arms around him, pulling his Magnus against his chest, and Magnus, watching them, was at a complete loss of words. Magnus without his magic was no longer immortal. 

“I am dying,” Magnus whispered again, but buried his face into Alec’s shirt. “I wanted to... I wanted to spend eternity with Alexander, our eternity... and now I am dying.”  
“Eternity?” Magnus breathed the word, as if it would burn his tongue. “Did you...” He looked at Alec.  
“We were looking,” Alec said slowly. “And we...” Then he huffed. “It’s pointless now.” 

That was a blow that even Magnus could feel. Immortality was a heavy burden, but loosing it, or rather, having been robbed of it... it must be terrifying. And it was painful to watch the two now, two souls who had been hoping for a forever together. And now they had lost that forever, whereas Magnus... Magnus was still immortal. 

But in his world, there were no demons, no vampires, no werewolves; there were no Shadowhunters and no immortal warlocks. What was left of the Downworld in his reality was nothing but legends. Magnus could never even think about making his own Alec immortal and spending the rest of eternity with him. 

Magnus would lose him. 

And the thought made him nauseous for a moment.

Magnus watched the other two for a few heartbeats before he cleared his throat. 

“I better be going again,” he said softly. “I... I wish you all the best.”

“Thank you,” Alec muttered, and gave him a nod. 

Magnus returned that nod and sighed, then turned around and left the two, pretending not to hear the fact that the other Magnus was trying not to cry into Alec’s shoulder. 

Fates, it wasn’t fair.

Magnus made his way back to Prospect Park and his portal with his heart as heavy as lead.

* * *

A glance at his phone told Magnus he was seemingly in for another sleepless night. 3:15 in the morning, and he still hadn’t slept properly.

Magnus turned onto his side and watched the man next to him who was sleeping soundly and peacefully, but his soft and tiny snores were not what was keeping Magnus awake, quite the contrary. Once he had gotten used to them it was more a sound of comfort than anything else. Proof that his loneliness was over. 

But that was just the thing. 

Magnus sighed as he looked at Alec’s sleeping face, so peaceful and relaxed. Alec was always so perfectly coiffed and put together, and seeing him like this, mussed hair and soft face, wearing an old, threadbare T-shirt, it felt like a privilege. It was a side of PR manager Alec Lightwood that no one else got to see. 

It had only been a few months since that fateful party in the Institute, and already, Magnus couldn’t imagine his life without Alec anymore. 

But one day, Alec would be gone. And Magnus would be forced to go on without him. Worse, he would have to break up with this beautiful, wonderful man and leave him, because at one point it would become obvious that Magnus wasn’t aging. 

As so often in the last weeks, his thoughts went back to the other Magnus and the other Alec. A warlock and a Shadowhunter. _That_ Alec was well aware of the issue of immortality, and they had even been looking for a way to make Alec immortal, so he could spend forever at his Magnus’ side. But they were now condemned to age and die together. 

Whereas he was forced to watch Alec age and die and move on. But as opposed to the other Magnus, there was no way he could even think about making his Alec immortal. Not in this dimension. And it was all wrong. It felt so wrong. 

Thinking about losing Alec felt like a knife in his soul. He couldn’t... he could not face the rest of eternity without this man at his side, in his life. But short of ending his life on his own terms, there was nothing he could do. Nothing.

The thought was there so suddenly and forcefully that he shot upright with a gasp. Next to him Alec stirred and muttered, but didn’t really wake up. Giving up sleep as a hopeless undertaking Magnus slipped out of the bed, and tying his robe he padded down the corridor towards his library.

* * *

For the next weeks, Magnus spent every available minute he had in his library. He dug through spell books so old the paper was hardly more than dust under his fingertips, consuming gallons of tea while carefully turning pages and making notes. 

Slowly, his plan began to take shape. But Magnus would have been lying if he had said he wasn’t occasionally so afraid he couldn’t breathe. What he was planning was momentous, and while it had been attempted before, it had rarely ended well. Yes, he was afraid. But he was also determined. He had to make this work. Because then he could make things right. 

In the end, Magnus waited until Alec had to go on another conference abroad, but couldn’t stop himself from being extra clingy the night before Alec left. Because if what he was about to do went wrong, then he would never see him again. 

But that didn’t change his mind. And the next morning, after he had dropped off Alec at the airport, he began to sort through his last preparations. Most of that was a potion that needed to brew for several hours with an ingredient list that had taken him weeks to acquire. The only other thing left to do was packing a few things he would need. 

His heart was racing like mad, and he was plagued by so many fears and what-ifs that he had to catch his breath a few times on his way to Prospect Park. But as afraid and worried as he was, he did not have any second thoughts. Because he was doing the right thing, the one thing that could make everything right, and he would not be stopped. 

Again, the other New York was the same as his own, one of the last mild summer days before autumn would announce its presence. This time he wrote Alec a firemessage, asking him to meet him in Prospect Park, and to bring his Magnus. 

He got the reply that Alec was out on patrol but would meet him there as soon as he was free. 

It was long after nightfall that Magnus heard the steps of two men approaching. 

“Good evening,” he said, and smiled as Alec relaxed again, his hand falling from his belt where undoubtedly a glamoured Seraph blade was hanging.  
“Evening,” Alec said, looking around. “You said it was important?”

“Yes.” Now that it was upon him, all his fears had suddenly vanished. This was what he had to do. What he had to do to put things right. And even if it went wrong, he would not have been able to live with himself without having even tried. 

“I have a gift for you,” Magnus said then to the other Magnus, who didn’t look any better but at least not any worse than the last time. “I hope this will help.”  
“You helped me quite a bit,” the other Magnus replied. “I am... I am trying. And it... it really helped.”

Magnus smiled warmly at his alternate self and bent down to retrieve the suitcase from under the bushes. “Trust me,” he said and put it down in front of Magnus. “You will like this one better.”  
“What is this?” The other Magnus went down into a crouch and opened the suitcase, but then his face darkened. “Spellbooks?”  
“Hear me out,” Magnus said quickly. “I have my reasons.”

The other Magnus got up again, but every trace of a smile was gone from his face, and the same was true for Alec. 

“Look, I am not pulling a tasteless prank on you,” Magnus said, looking back and forth between them. “Those books aren’t everything.”

He produced the potion from his jacket and took a sip, then held the bottle out to the other Magnus.

“What do you want?” The other Magnus asked, distrustfully eyeing the potion. “What is this?” His Alec stepped closer as well, that impressive frown on his face again.  
“Just trust me,” Magnus said with an encouraging smile. “Please.”

He planted his feet firmly on the ground and reached out to the other Magnus with both hands. His heart was racing again, but all that was left was the fear that it might go wrong and kill him. But despite that, he had to try. 

The other Magnus exchanged a look with his Alec, and then he rolled his shoulders and stepped closer, taking the potion and downing its contents. Then he took Magnus’ hands.

This was it.

It was obvious from the other Magnus’ face that he didn’t recognise the spell that Magnus was chanting, but he did recognise the blue swirls of magic crawling from Magnus’ fingers across his own. 

“What are you doing?” The other Magnus asked, his voice a horrified whisper.  
“Don’t let go,” was all that Magnus could reply, because he could already feel it. He clamped his fingers around the other Magnus’ hands as hard as he could. 

The blue glow intensified, wrapped around both warlocks, drew them even closer together as tendrils of blue light wove around the two bodies like gossamer made of lightning. The air crackled, and even Alec’s hair, despite him standing a few feet away, was standing almost on edge. 

A soundless flash of blinding light, and it was over. 

The two warlocks stumbled back from each other, one into Alec’s arms, while the other lost his balance and landed on his knees. 

Magnus’ world was spinning, and he felt as if he was about to heave. He was shaking. 

“Magnus,” he could hear Alec whisper. “Magnus, what is that?”  
“Oh my god...” That was the other Magnus. “Oh god... Alexander...” A dry, helpless sob. “Alexander...”

Magnus closed his eyes, trying to stop his head from spinning, but then a pair of warm hands closed around his shoulders. He opened his eyes again to see the other Magnus kneel in front of him, his face wet with tears. 

“You can’t do this,” he whispered brokenly. “You cannot do this...”  
“I can,” Magnus replied. “I did.”

And contrary to what he had been afraid of, he didn’t feel fear. He didn’t feel regret. He felt at peace. It had been the right thing to do. 

“But...” The other Magnus closed his fingers firmer around Magnus’ shoulders. “Why? I gave it up because I had to... but you didn’t have to do this.”

“I did,” Magnus replied, smiling at his alternate self. “I wanted this, believe me. In my world, there is no magic. There are no demons, and no Shadowhunters. Even if there was a way, I could never make my Alec immortal. And the thought of... the thought of facing eternity without him...”

Understanding dawned in the other Magnus’ eyes, and he nodded as he swallowed. 

“But you,” Magnus went on. “You can have eternity with your Alexander. Magic, and immortality... I discovered long ago that I don’t really need one and have no joy in the other anymore. And you of all people will understand not wanting to face eternity without the one you love. I have one lifetime left. And I will spend it with Alec. And you, you can have eternity. I don’t want mine anymore.”

And it was true. Even as the other Magnus now pulled him close into a tight embrace, Magnus didn’t feel like he needed any comfort. He felt at peace. For the first time since Alec had kissed him in the moonlight on his little balcony overlooking the herb garden, Magnus felt at peace again. 

After letting go there was just one thing that remained, and the other Magnus cast a glamour back over Magnus’ cat eyes, a glamour he could not lose control over, and one that could not be easily undone. They embraced one last time, one last whispered thank you, then Magnus let go and stepped towards the portal. 

“You just have to...” he said to the other Magnus.  
“I make sure it’s properly sealed,” the other Magnus replied. “There won’t be a trace left for any demon to follow.”  
“Thank you,” Magnus said and smiled. “I wish you all the best.”  
“The same to you,” the other Magnus replied. “But do me a favour?”  
“Yes?”  
“Do something about that horrendous fashion sense of yours.”

Magnus had to laugh. “God, you sound like Alec. He’s trying his best. But we can’t all look like we’re freshly sprung from a fashion magazine.”

The other Magnus looked over his shoulder at his leather-clad Shadowhunter and snorted. “We sure can’t,” he replied and rested his hands on Magnus’ shoulders again. “Thank you,” he said, the smile gone from his face again. “I... I don’t even know how to...”  
“It was a gift,” Magnus said. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Actually...” He looked at Alec and then at the portal behind him. “I think I will be more than fine.”

He stepped towards the portal that would lead him back to his cats and his Tarot cards and herbal remedies against acne and hair loss. And back to his Alec. 

One last wave, and Magnus stepped into the portal home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to lynne_monstr who is a terrible enabler over on tumblr. I love you. She generously gave me permission to use her post on tumblr to make a fic out of.


End file.
